請別理我的T恤衫說什么

如今，越來越多的T恤衫上印有文字，穿好了是時尚，是彰顯個性，穿不好就是尷尬。很多時候，人們購買T恤衫時并不會認真去看上面印的文字，因此有時就會遇到尷尬的情況，比如路人會誤解你的政治傾向并怒目相視，又或者就你根本不知道的東西滔滔不絕起來。想要避免這種情況，下次當你挑T恤衫時，看一眼上面印的東西吧。

By Robert Klose

趙云舒 選 溫純 注

The man slapped me on the back and said, “So, tell me about Kleer .”

I threw him a questioning look. Picking up on this, he pointed and said, “Your T-shirt.”

I looked down and read its message: “Kleer—Think Beyond Wood.”

Oh!

The deal is this: I buy my T-shirts at the local thrift shop. Fifty cents for a tee in crisp, clean condition. What a bargain! The message on the shirt is of little importance to me. Once I’ve bought the shirt, I forget about it. This means that I am often taken off guard when others note whatever it is I’m inadvertently advertising. The responses aren’t always of the back-slapping kind.

Consider the man who growled at me when he noted my bright green tee: “You liberals are all alike!” he said.

The back of my shirt read: “Fair contract. Now!” I had no idea what it pertained to. No matter. In the eyes of the offended man, I was a liberal. And I was like all other liberals. Whatever that means.

Another fellow clucked his tongue and said, sourly, “You do know you’re in Red Sox country, right?” It was only then that I remembered I was wearing a Yankees T-shirt. All I could do was nod in response.

But most of the messages I carry do not elicit anything resembling hostility or even a frown. If people comment at all, it mostly reflects approbation, if not enthusiasm. I have a striking red tee with the white Polish eagle emblazoned on the front, along with the word “Polska.” One day, while strolling across the campus where I teach, a robust bear of a student threw his arm around my shoulder and exclaimed, “Brother!” He told me he was from Russia and that we Slavs have to stick together. It so happens that I am of Polish ancestry, but I have never been much interested in alliances.

In another instance, I picked up a handsome tee that bore the logo of the American Folk Festival , held yearly in Bangor, Maine. In large letters across the back it read, “VOLUNTEER.” This elicited a comment from a pleasant woman: “Thank you for your time and effort.”

You’re welcome.

Other tees have stimulated lengthy, and pleasant, conversation. I have a spectacular T-shirt with a garish splattering of colorful fruits and vegetables on the front. The caption: “World’s Largest Fruit Salad—UMass Amherst.” This was the impetus for a wonderful exchange initiated by an organic farmer at one of our open-air markets here in Maine. It turns out he had attended UMass Amherst and knew all about the phenomenal salad. When he was done singing its praises I felt as if I had done a heroic deed simply by wearing the shirt.

Some of my tees bear messages attesting to accomplishments I can take no credit for. I am not a Cessna pilot. I did not take part in the Kenduskeag Stream Canoe Race in 2013. I have never walked the entire Appalachian Trail, and I do not speak Esperanto.

However, there are messages I do wish I could find, for they would reflect my experiences and sensibilities:

“I have visited Greenland.”

“Thoreau. Now more than ever.”

“Don’t let school interfere with your education.”

“Baking soda can be used for almost anything.”

But perhaps, trumping all of these, I should settle for a message of rote candor, to wit: “This is not my shirt. I bought it at a thrift shop.”

That would, I think, keep everybody honest.

Vocabulary

1. slap: 拍打。

2. Kleer: 一種無線音頻傳輸技術。

3. pick up on: 注意、覺察。

4. thrift shop: <美>舊貨店。

5. crisp: 干凈的，整潔的。

6. 這就代表，每當有人注意到我不經意間“廣告”的東西時，我總是措手不及。off guard: 放松警惕，猝不及防；inadvertently: 無心地，不經意地。

7. growl: 憤憤不平地抱怨，氣沖沖地說；liberal: 自由主義者。

8. pertain to: 相關，關于。

9. cluck: 發出（表示生氣或不贊同的）咯咯聲；sourly: 酸溜溜地，沒好氣地；Red Sox: 波士頓紅襪隊，隸屬于美國聯盟東區的美國職棒大聯盟球隊；country: 地區。

10. Yankees: 紐約揚基隊，世界最著名的體育俱樂部之一，隸屬于美國聯盟東區的美國職棒大聯盟球隊。

11. 很多時候我衣服上印的文字不會招致別人的反對甚至不悅。elicit: 引起，招來；hostility: 反對；frown: 皺眉（表示不悅或不認可）。

12. approbation: 認可，贊許。

13. 我有一件鮮紅色的T恤衫，前面印有一只白色的波蘭老鷹以及一個波蘭單詞“Polska”。striking: 引人注目的；emblazon: 用紋章裝飾；Polska: 波蘭語的“Poland”。

14. stroll: 閑逛，漫步；exclaim: 大叫，驚呼。

15. Slav: 斯拉夫人。

16. 碰巧我有波蘭血統，但我對老鄉聯盟實在沒什么興趣。ancestry: 祖先，世系；alliance: 聯盟。

17. American Folk Festival: 美國民間音樂節。

18. garish: 炫目的，過于艷麗的；splattering: 潑濺，灑落。

19. caption: 說明文字；UMass Amherst: 馬薩諸塞大學阿默斯特分校（University of Massachusetts Amherst）。

20. 在緬因州一個露天市場，一位有機菜農因這行文字與我展開了一場有趣的交流。impetus: 動力；initiate: 發起。

21. phenomenal: 非凡的，了不起的。

22. attest to: 證明；take credit for sth.: 把某事歸功于某人。

23. Cessna: 賽斯納飛行器公司，一家位于美國堪薩斯州的飛機制造商。

24. Kenduskeag Stream Canoe Race: 肯達斯奇格溪流獨木舟比賽。

25. Appalachian Trail: 阿巴拉契亞國家步道，是美國最長的徒步旅行步道之一是美國阿巴拉契亞山脈的一條小路；Esperanto: 世界語，是波蘭籍語言學家柴門霍夫博士于1887年創立的一種國際輔助語，旨在消除國際交往的語言障礙，被譽為“國際普通話”。

26. Thoreau: 亨利?戴維?梭羅（Henry David Thoreau，1817—1862），美國作家、哲學家，代表作為《瓦爾登湖》。

27. interfere with: 干預，干涉。

28. 但我個人認為，位居所有這些口號之首的也許是一句坦誠之言，那就是：非本人T恤衫，從二手店淘來。trump: 勝過；settle for: 滿足于，勉強接受；rote: 熟記，死記硬背；candor: 坦率；to wit: 那就是說，即是。

（來源：英語學習雜志 編輯：丹妮）